小学生文笔的Find Me读后感
花了三四个小时大概浏览了一遍 Find Me，在这里大概写一下自己的理解。很多段落只是粗略地扫了一眼，所以可能会存在一些误解。
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Elio的父亲Samuel离婚并和年轻的Miranda相爱其实是有一定合理性的，背后的原因也有迹可循。Samuel曾经对Elio说过，“I may have come close, but I never had what you had. Something always held me back or stood in the way.“ 可以看出他和Elio母亲之间的感情也许并不是他心目中理想的爱情。Samuel对Miranda解释过自己离婚的原因，暗示了他和前妻之间的感情很大程度上是亲情，是对Elio的共同的爱。他们已经失去了更亲密的关系（“together”）。但Miranda给他带来了一段完全不同的感情，她改变了他对自己的认知。“As for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it.”Samuel对自己的身体是不自信的，但是Miranda强硬地改变了这种自卑感。“shower”的情节其实很有意思，表现了两个人之间肉体层面的坦诚。坦诚（“candor”）是Andre Aciman笔下爱情的重要元素，这在CMBYN中也有体现。
“Know”这个概念是Find Me中一直在强调的。Samuel与Miranda、Elio与Michel之间的感情很大程度上都是建立在“know me well”的前提上的。“We’ve met no more than fifteen minutes ago, and yet you know me! How could you have known this about me?”“I didn’t need to do a thing except give myself over to someone who seemed to know me, and know my body and what it craved far better than I did.”这里对爱情的诠释与CMBYN中的有一定区别。CMBYN中的Elio和Oliver的关系是“相似”（“like”），甚至是超越了相似的“成为”（“be”）。“Or are "being" and "having" thoroughly inaccurate verbs in the twisted skein of desire, where having someone's body to touch and being that someone we're longing to touch are one and the same, just opposite banks on a river that passes from us to them？”这也是“call me by your name”的由来——称呼只不过是“You in me，me in you”的外在体现。
Find Me中四个时间点上发生的故事之间都有或明显或隐蔽的相似性。离婚、年龄差距，都是故事中不变的元素。“Fate, if it exists at all, has strange ways of teasing us with patterns.”
小说探讨的另一个主题是time和unlived lives之间的关系。这其实也是对CMBYN结尾的回答——CMBYN的结尾，Oliver将自己离开Elio后的生活称作为“parallel life”，而在Find Me中，他们得以将“parallel life”，或者说“unlived life”变成现实。这当然是有代价的，“time is always the price we pay for the unlived life.“（除了时间之外，这里的代价也包括“I’ve had to sever many ties and burn bridges I know I’ll pay dearly for”）。另外，Andre Aciman在采访中曾说过，“Olive was arrested in time”，他将Oliver与Elio的分别（即“unlived life”的出现）归因于时间——Oliver更早地与后来的妻子相识，于是和她结婚生子。虽然这是不全面的，忽略了Oliver的恐同父亲、当时的社会背景等因素，但“time”的确在一定程度上造成了“unlived life”。
最后，关于小说的题目“Find Me”。在CMBYN的结尾，Elio和Oliver都满足于“remember”。Elio“call me by your name”的请求是对Oliver是否“remember”的试探。但在Find Me中，“remember”是不够的。Oliver臆想出的巴赫对他的生活作出了“wrong life”这样绝对的、不留情面的判断。判断的标准是什么？“You've been disloyal. To what, to whom? To yourself." 于是Elio在Oliver的脑海中呼唤：“Find me.”于是Oliver回答：“I will, Oliver, I will.”
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